so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
