Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
