found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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