I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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