It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
