The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
