My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize