we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
