No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize