im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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