I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
