I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
