Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
