He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
