Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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