I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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