this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
