Sry I called you an 8
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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