we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
