just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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