we have pet lesbian snakes
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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