"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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