I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
