he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
NoShamevember. You game?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
