i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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