We're like a lot better than the average bears
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
