found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
