I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
