he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my sisters under your porch take her home
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
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Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
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I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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