Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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