So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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