I could make wine with my vomit
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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