i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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