I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
