you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
