im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
