Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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