I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
