she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
