I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
