Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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