Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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