lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
