guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well I just put wine in my tea
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
