GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
