It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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