I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
