that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
