Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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