Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
