i can't believe i had my finger in that
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
