Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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