Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
