Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
