Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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