Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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