I want to have your abortion
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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