Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
