Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
