How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
