i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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