I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
