I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
