Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He? As in you personified your dick?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
