How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
