she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
