oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize