Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
