Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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