Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
