So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
