Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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