Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
