and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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