how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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