Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
