Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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